Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
