note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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