he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My feet surprised me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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