I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
