when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
