So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
organizing the empties. That sober.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
