You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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