Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
