I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
