what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
