apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
