he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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