just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
