I just gift wrapped bread.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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