a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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