It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
