..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
