Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
