All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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