Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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