ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
