I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
