If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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