I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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