I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
