508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
