guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
