just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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