I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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