marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
