i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
