i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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