just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ttyl tear gas
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
