her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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