Whoa Z and x make the same sound
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
