Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
