I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
