I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
