just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
