pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
