That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
