You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
