Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
