dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
