You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
