i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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