we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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