She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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