So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
