She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
