Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
