I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
