my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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