she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
