drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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