Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
