you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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